When is “enough, enough!”

  Dangling at the precipice of a looming graduation, we stare down the barrel of a big decision.  

While a May (Spring) graduation was not meant to be, I will most likely be graduating inshallah in August 2015.  Yes, that is only a few months away!  While I am very excited to take my degree, that leaves us in a precarious situation.  The time has come to make a decision about Turkey.

The hubster has shot his final bullet, attempted the last remaining problem that he could think to take on.  His adviser was very supportive of this topic and he has been working on it since November 2014.  Come to find out… it has been solved already, two years ago by a research team that he knows, in Turkey.  The day we found out was devastating.  I can’t even find a stronger word to describe the inner turmoil.  With only one year left on his visa/ scholarship and nothing to show, we are left with the soul-crushing decision of “is enough finally enough?”  When is staying in the US doing more harm than good?  For me? Well, I will be graduated in August inshallah and it makes no difference for me.  To be quite honest…this would be a good time for me to uproot and leave.  If we were to stay another year, I would have to find a job and a source of insurance due to the new “you must have insurance” law (at the moment, the school provides it for me). This would be the ideal time to make a clean break…well, as clean as it can be when you are leaving your home country to start a new life.

But for him. For him…no.  There is no clean break.  There cannot be a clean break until he obtains his PhD.  At this point…is it even feasible?  That is the question we are saddled with.  The psychological damage caused by our latest revelation, along with years of abuse from his adviser (see previous posts for those stories…some were not even mentioned), he can see no shining light at the end of the tunnel.  This leads us to ask- is staying in the US another year worth the time? We aren’t getting any younger.  True, if we stayed another year that is more money in our pocket to help start our lives in Turkey…but that is a year of “working debt” that he has to endure, regardless of what degree he returns with.  Even more, if he wants to continue pining for his PhD in Turkey, that is a year he could have been working on it there.  We are wondering if staying is just prolonging the inevitable defeat.  Of course, being the optimist, I am always encouraging him and telling him that his degree is still possible.  But it would take a miracle.  I’m constantly praying for one.

At the moment he is saying that going back to Turkey is the likely choice (we’ve given ourselves until April to decide).  But we both know that his heart is not in this decision, and it is still clinging to the chance at a PhD.  I can’t even describe my frustrations at this situation.  He isn’t lazy, he isn’t stupid.  He is one of the smartest people I’ve met in my life mashallah and if this life was fair, he would have his PhD in hand by now.

Please keep us in your prayers as this life-changing decision looms before us.

——-~———

As stated above, the time is coming for our departure (either now or a year from now), and we could use your help.  If you are looking for someone in need to donate your sadaqa (charity) to, look no further. In order to start a new life abroad, it costs money.  Beginning your life over with nothing but two suitcases is a challenge.  We have some funds, but two plane tickets would go a long way in helping us out.  Visit the link below to donate.  Even $5 can help us.

When in Turkey… we need a hand!

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