And so it begins…


Not living in Turkey, but graduate school.  Today was the official first day of classes for me, and I’m already worried.  It is amazing what can be forgotten in 3 months, let alone a few years! 

  It’s been a few years since I took the undergraduate equivalents of what I’m taking this semester in graduate school, and that has become all too apparent in the “silly quiz” (as the professor called it) that we took in one of my classes.  She just wanted to see where we were in our level or recollection.  I am the only 1st year masters student in this course (well, there’s only 5 people to begin with) and I have forgotten the most, it seems! I try to tell myself that it’s because I haven’t needed the information required in these particular courses for 2 years.  Now I find myself reviewing old lectures on the topics I have forgotten.  I’m anxious to go to the lab and show how much I’ve forgotten :(.  

  This holds true specifically for one class. The other two seem to be fresher in my mind, having been talked about the last year of my undergraduate experience.  

  Also, I have received a TA-ship (Teaching assistantship) to pay for graduate school.  My first class I am TA-ing holds very little responsibility.  Answer emails from students and help proctor exams.  Fortunately, this class is “new” to the university, but I have taken its equivalent at my undergraduate university and have been beaten about the head and neck with the information supplied in the course.  I hope I do well aiding the students…

  I hope this doesn’t drive me crazy.  Deep breaths. Its worth it, giving me an advantage when we go to Turkey.

The cycle/circle of Frustrations

Birth, aging, death.

Wash, rinse, repeat.

Reduce, reuse, recycle.

We are all familiar with the various cycles/circles that we come across through out our day or lives. One cycle I am exceedingly familiar with is that of the cycle/circle of frustrations.  It hasn’t been occurring in me as of late, but my husband. It goes something like this:

I can do it!
Difficulty occurs (be it mental, physical, or social)
I can’t do it!
Encouragement occurs (again, mental, physical, or social)
I can do it!
etc. etc. etc.

With each cycle comes a deeper sense of failure and greater, more diverse encouragement is required.  It is getting to the point where my own encouragement to him is not enough, and he seeks support of his mentors (one of which is one of the difficulties that occurs).

It makes me so sad that he is constantly circling the drain of depression. I wish there was something I can do. As of late, it seems even going back to Turkey would not offer a reprieve.  It seems that, since his Masters was without thesis here, he would be forced to retake his Masters in Turkey, instead of picking up at his PhD. This is a time wasting scenario he refuses (and for good reason!).  We are at yet another crossroads, determining which way he will go in his research.  This is a make or break point, since we are at the point of no return.  I wish I knew what to tell him…