New Years Resolutions 2017

As 2016 draws to a close I find myself looking forward more than back. I dont particularly care to reflect on the previous year, as it has been a real struggle for me. 

 Honestly, I’m  just not happy.  I’m not.  I don’t want to call it depression because I never went to the doctor for a diagnosis (mostly because I don’t have a history of depression, so any negativity is just situational right now and I don’t want to medicate for that). I can’t really pinpoint when I took this turn, since it’s been just a constant stream of disappointment and struggle. 

On top of general money moods, I’m angrier, swearing more, praying less, feeling ungrateful, picking fights, being petty… 

 I know it’s mostly related to my living situation.  Having no space to call my own, no privacy, no ownership of my life. Not to mention my grandmother passed away somewhat suddenly last month. 

I’m not ready to talk about that just yet. 

And of course I haven’t seen my family for over a year. We talk, but it’s not the same. 

Turkey is wearing me down. 

I’ve found myself pushing against the Turkish language, the culture, and even sometimes I won’t eat the food. I don’t know how to describe this feeling but to say I’m not me anymore, and I don’t like it.  I don’t like this homesick, hate my life, and hate everyone around me feeling. 

But I let myself be a victim of my circumstances, and no one/ nothing can affect me if I don’t let it.  

So in 2017 my resolutions are these:

1. Boost my imaan : I need to make an active effort to reconnect with my religion. A religion I actually chose myself. I thought being in Turkey would make it easier, but I think it’s been harder.  Either way, I need to get back into prayer and listen to more religious lectures. 

2. Count my blessings: Every day I want to reflect on at least 3 things I should be grateful for. Even the small things, like hot soup on a cold day.  When I start looking for the good instead of the bad, I know my mood will improve. 

3. Take control and live NOW: I’m going to do more to have more of an influence on my own life.  I intend to start that by moving out of this flat before winter is over, but that’s a post for next week. And instead of waiting for things to happen, I will take an active role in my fate and live in the now. 

4. Swear and complain less: In the states, the majority of my friends don’t swear terribly much.  I also made a concerted effort to not swear either. But here… Well, I have been seriously slacking.  And all I ever talk about are the bad things that are happening to me and how miserable I am (sorry,  friends) .  No more! The occasional venting is ok, but I don’t want to complain more than once a week. Let’s be honest, cold turkey isn’t going going to work. 
I know it’s cliche to make resolutions, but it’s something I need to do.  Be it December or June, positive changes are never a bad thing… 

What are your resolutions? 

Advertisements

For the love of NAZ

Clingy
Needy
Jealous
Coy

All of these things can fall under the category of Naz behavior.
And in Turkey… It’s a good thing.

Before you become thoroughly confused and suspicious of this posts authenticity, let me explain!

  Naz is a noun that encompasses many different teasing actions and attitudes that can be performed between lovers,  or families of lovers.  These things are not done out of petulance or caprice, but purely for the purpose of playing with the one you love… Trying to wind them up,  if you will.

It isn’t that the pair are actually clingy,  coy,  or jealous… They are just playing at these attitudes.

A few examples:

– A man’s family comes to ask a woman’s family for a marriage agreement,  in old Turkish fashion.  The man and woman already agreed to marry,  a private proposal occurred,  and the family is all on board.  But for the sake of tradition,  they are including the marriage request.  The woman’s family may play a little game of “well… I don’t know.” all the while, both families know it is a sure thing.

-A husband and wife are laying in bed,  reading books.  The wife turns to the husband and says “honey,  I have to go to the bathroom… Will you walk with me?” the husband sighs in exasperation and the wife snickers to herself,  loving his reaction.

While naz is usually associated with women and their families,  let me tell you a secret… My husband is the king of naz,  sitting on his naz throne.  He loves to push my buttons and watch me go crazy,  all the while laughing his head off.  I always wondered why he insisted on driving me mad,  and I’ve only recently come to discover it is a common activity in Turkish marriage tradition, and can be seen as a type of affection.

Now that I know what he’s up to,  I take it in stride.  It seems I had also been participating in naz,  though mine is of the clingy type – dragging him up and down the halls so he has to be with me no matter what I’m doing.

In America, I had never determined a word for it… And in most cases,  it’s considered bad in western culture!

Well… This explains a lot!

DSCN1521

Buying scarves

A problem that I sometimes have, and I know ya’ll have had before, is finding the right scarf.  Personally, I stay far, far away from polyester and other synthetic fibers because they don’t breathe well for me.  Limiting myself to rayon, viscose, and cotton can sometimes make scarf shopping difficult.  If you are in the US, here are a few shops that you MUST visit when looking for a scarf.

1. Charming Charlie

Don’t be fooled by the website, this store has a great selection of scarves! At my local store (just opened) they have a full palette of slightly shiny solid color scarves made of viscose with tassels.  I love these scarves, althought I’ve only limited myself to purchasing one at the moment (ice blue, fantastic!).  They also carry an assortment of patterns in other materials, but these soft and light viscose scarves have me hooked.  I will certainly be back for more!  When I visited Charming Charlie it was during the Thanksgiving Weekend, so I’m not sure if the scarves were on markdown, but they were 10$ a piece, very fair price.

2. Burlington Coat Factory

The downside of resale stores is that the inventory is always changing. But isn’t that also a plus?  For cheaper than department and specialty stores (Around 7.99$ or less), you can find a plethora of scarves depending on the season, all in different colors, patterns, and materials.  This can vary by store, so if you are willing to make a day of it, you may find it worth your while to visit more than one!

3. Ross

Similar to Burlington Coat Factory, Ross is a resale store with ever-changing merchandise and competitively low prices.  I usually come across polyester scarves here, but on some occasions I have run across a lovely piece! I purchased one of my favorite scarves, a french vanilla rectangular scarf with tassels, from Ross.

4. Platos Closet

If you don’t have a Platos Closet in your area…it is definitely worth the drive.  Platos Closet is a brand-name thrift store with gently used clothes, shoes, and accessories.  If you have a problem wearing hand-me-downs, this is not the store for you…But when I began to wear hijab I bought half of my scarves from Platos Closet with bargain basement prices ($3.99-$5.99).  Again, the merchandise changes, but the prices of this store cannot be beat.  When it comes to purchasing clothes such as jeans, dresses, tops, jackets… this is where almost everything I own comes from.  You seriously need to make the trip to a Platos Closet when you are on a shopping frenzy- you can stock your entire wardrobe on under 100$ if you hunt for bargains.

#hijabiproblems